Ulfgar's Daily

"And Gorum said to the Elves, 'Ye shall place thyself squarely in the rack, and assume the bar of trials securely on thine back, and ye shall squat so deep even the depths of the ocean shall yield to ye, and thy legs shall grow hearty and thick as that of an oak.'"

-Book of Gorum 15:23

"Yay and let it be known that ye shall show nothing but the utmost contempt for crossfit gypsie weights, as Gorum despises the worship of false idles, and the use of deceitful bumper weights."

-Gorum to the Dwarves 8:12

"Curls may get the girls, But deads and rows will get you this BACK. A strong back is needed to endure the trials of combat and to support the hearty weight of thine sword and armor. Place the burden on thine broad back and carry out thine deadly melee and watch as any who oppose thee and the house of Gorum crumple into mutilated heaps. Let thine hulking muscles be a testament to all that ye are a faithful servant!"

-Book of Gorum 1:72-76

"And ye shall enter into thine most sacredest domain, the battlefield, and ye shall assert thine dominance on any and all who threaten thine gains... and fear not, for Gorum has set forth a regiment for thee, which shall assist in opposing even the most ambitious false worshiper of Gorum; smite them down with thine thunderous might and show them that the battlefield is not a place to be tread upon by new years resolutioners and their weak spines and poor work ethics, rather to be follower of Gorum takes steadfast dedication and deep squats."

-Abyssal Works of Gorum 8:45;52

"Seriously fuck up any person that thee may see doing body weight exercises in the holy houses of Gorum, they are false worshipers and deserve the harshest punitive response."

Letter from Gorum to the Corinthians 33

"They counted us among the least of them. They derided us and shunned us as war mongers and blamed us for breaking their sacred and tenuous peace.They said they were the ones that would be rewarded. And now? As their peace crumbles before them and their enemies clash against their bastions, what do they say? Gorum has gathered an army, and the enemies of him, whether they face his Wrath or his Mercy, will now know true power when they see him. We, the faithful, will look at the unbelievers across the holy battlefield, and when they ask for salvation, shall only grant them the final taste of our Steel and Iron and grant them eternal rest."